Merit-bound Alley

Philly makes an odd strike against fraud.

Apparently, there’s a law that’s been left unenforced for decades prohibiting the use of fortune-telling for profit. Local inspectors have closed down 16 shops, and more are expected.

One thing I love about the Philly news is that the reporters have the amazing ability to find the biggest fucknut to interview. I must say I have learned a lot from Philadelphia reporters about subtlely pointing out the absurd. Of course, I see little value in subtlety so I dropped that part of it. Anyways…. Where to begin?

“First of all,” he said, “they’ve got to stop the 129 murders in this city. What we do is entertainment.”

While Philly’s murder rate is appallingly high, that does not mean that other legal infractions must be ignored until murder is completely stopped. I do not foresee common sense in this man’s future.

He also demanded to know whether tea-leaf readers in Chinatown were also being shut down. He doubted it.

“They’re discriminating against Gypsies,” he said, although he said he was born and raised in Philadelphia.

It’s possible that they hadn’t thought of the tea-leaf readers. I’m sure the tea-leaf reading population of Philly will thank this dope for blowing the whistle on them. Also, someone may want to point out to him that there’s more to being a Gypsy than fortune-telling, like I don’t know, generations of culture and bloodline.

Finally, he noted that critics “considered that Jesus was a psychic, a fortune-teller, and they crucified him.”

Wow! This is just beautiful! *clap, clap, clap* The appeal to Jesus is a great endgame move for the arguing ignoramus. For the real reasons that Jesus was crucified, see the Bible (second half). The only argument that could possibly be more idiotic than this would be….

“Look what they want to do with the fortune-tellers,” the man said. “We might be coming to the end of the world.”

This guy just won the game of life. Enforcing this law is the beginning of endtimes, folks! Look out for the blood-red moon and dead rising from the grave! To all those whose cars may be empty due to Rapture, may I please have your car?

I’d go on, but I have better things to indulge in than mockery, seeing as the end of the world is nigh and all.